Anyway, once wed worked through those issues, things were great for the rest of the time we worked there. This includes the need for independence and autonomy. Youre hurting and are afraid of getting hurt again. Well now, he has no direction for his future career. We dont live together. So you love a guy with low self-esteem. Maybe he wants to be a fireman! and our We are compatible on many levels, but there is one thing that continues to turn me off (from ten years ago to now), and that is his lack of ambition to be successful professionally. Stop overthinking. He complains endlessly about all the stuff he needs to do, how much trouble he has to go through for his familys business (never once complaining about how little he gets paid though, surprisingly enough), how difficult it is to talk to the board members and manage the people, and how little time he has for his actual job, but he refuses to do anything about it. "Nuh uh! Somehow, in his mind, there is something wrong with having sex with a woman he loves. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. In todays world where everyone is busier than ever, its understandable that many couples struggle to spend enough quality time together without feeling smothered by their partner. Were all guilty of feeling a little envious of our friends or the people on our social feeds who are boasting of their recent successes: their promotion, their engagement, their pregnancy announcement. I (28f) have been with my boyfriend (26m) for the better part of four years now. I told him he was being kind of selfish to not even CONSIDER going to therapy to get better, because all of this uncertainty affects me just as much as it does him. They want men to fulfill the role of their best girlfriend and their rock-solid Marlboro Man simultaneously. His executive planning is just not there, and he seems really erratic. Laura Petiford, a licensed marriage and family therapist,explains: Sometimes our subconscious is way ahead of the rest of us as to what it is that we need to attend to, she explains. On Christmas, we greeted each other and I told him that I really hoped that things went well for him, and we both agreed that maybe someday when we were both in better places in life, we might try again. He is considering community college instead, but insists that he can be successful without education, despite the fact that he has absolutely no direction, ambition or motivation. My [24F] boyfriend [26M] and I have been together for 2.5 years. He blocked a bunch of girls from his Facebook for some reason maybe he didnt want me to be jealous? Just know that apart from the spark you feel around a sophisticate, it doesnt have much inherent value. Its fun to feel like the witty, urbane couple that can break bread with the prime minister if need be. Let your sleeping hours guide you to a more authentic wakeful life., You can also climb out of your rut by identifying your core values, which should guide your direction in life. The thing is that most good qualities often come with bad qualities as well. Open, honest and respectful communication can solve almost any relationship issue. We are in the latter group (me especially I suppose). But stepping outside of your comfort zone can go a long way in helping you find greater fulfillment. It is great to have a supportive partner who loves spending time with you, but its also important to have some independence and space. Was I wrong to get back together with him? My Boyfriend Has No Ambition, and It Bothers Me What Should I Do? He had no idea what he wanted to do with his life. I mean, its great to have a man who is on the same page in so many areas, but what do you do if you are the only one in the relationship who aspires to more? Right. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. You have not discovered your purpose in life yet. He thinks it will be easy and an adventure to just pick up and find a job there, and life would be great.I think it sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. While I was there, they were showing him BDSM costumes that he could wear to an office get-together this week. Christ may be his Savior (meaning he professed his faith in Christ), but Christ may not be his Lord. TLDR: My boyfriend doesnt know what kind of career he wants to pursue in life, and the constant talks with no definitive answer or action being taken to decide on and start his career is really frustrating the both of us. 8. Boyfriend over 5 years still has no direction in life . You Or Your Partner Are Constantly On Social Media If you and your partner are on Instagram more than you're with each other, you're definitely not on the same path and you're trying to avoid. My boyfriend (19)and I (20) just talked about how he feels I dont have a direction for my life and that I'm not putting in effort. And someone more well-read. He is VERY persistent and continues to take me back into his life if I let him. 1. I kind of couldnt believe that they both thought that was okay, but he decided not to go whether it was because I told him how icky it was or because he realized himself how weird it was, I guess Ill never know. I'm writing because I want you, yes you, to know that's okay to not know what's going on. All rights reserved. You may be beginning to wonder if youre the only thing that matters to him. I assured him that I thought he would be great and that he was just experiencing doubt because he'd been knocked down a few times. He was getting paid less than half of what we were getting paid at the BPO, and he was working from 2pm to 10pm. If you can look at him objectively and see that he does have a total lack of life, then you shouldnt feel bad for making this observation and telling him about it. He served his three years, got out, and enrolled in college. He sat down and thought long and hard about what he wanted to do, and realized he wanted to serve and help others. Unsubscribe anytime. We also enforce a tiered review process in which at least three individuals two or more being licensed clinical experts review, edit, and approve each piece of content before it is published. He then got mad at me when I told him this was ridiculous because he has no money, no family in NZ or Aus, its too expensive, and he has no plan whatsoever. I needed someone who knew what he wanted to do with his life. We are dedicated to providing you with valuable resources that educate and empower you to live better. Because the solution is to get out of your comfort zone, and doing that is scary. Plus, alcohol can diminish sex drive. Hes Busy With You Even When Youre Not Together. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. 1. 3. Don't expect him to change. Wed been living together at the time too, and needless to say, it really did a number on me. If he needs hello figuring out how to use the last of his GI bill to go to trade school, I'll help him. I told him how inappropriate that was and he argued that they were just friends. Thing is, for all my frustration, hes actually a great guy. He must drive you nuts. He seemed to be doing really well: the gaming business had been built, and hed been at his new job for a while and he was able to balance everything. That will create a massive difference, and will reinforce the fact that you are in the process of changing all the other aspects you've written down as well. Naturally, youll worry about your future and ask yourself how youre going to cover the bills and provide for the future, especially if you want to have a family. Somewhere between January and March, we started seeing each other again. Please call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 or use these resources to get immediate help. I owe money for going to college for a semester and I'm not ready to go to school again. He really is my best friend, and my family loves him, and I think his family likes me well enough too. 2. Thank you, CJ, for writing one of the most self-aware letters Ive run. Of anyone has some shred of advice for me id greatly appreciate it. Someone younger. He has very little money saved, yet today he told me (seriously) that he wants to move to Australia or New Zealand within the next year or two (because he wants to get away from America, its politics, and capitalism). I dont remember what exactly it was that made me decide I wanted to break up with him, but in September of last year, I asked to take a month-long break (which is stupid, I know I never believed in taking a break from a relationship, but I was desperate). . No other girlfriend Ive ever had has done that, which is why Im keeping her and never letting her go. And it would be easy to tell you to dump your boyfriend and seek one of these guys out. 4. Dont believe me? Hence, he is trying to make all his life about you. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Focus on a healthy daily routine: getting out the house, living a scheduled life and exercising are moves in the right direction. I think everyone here can feel your pain. Revealing unhelpful thought patterns and improving the way you feel, Why is life so hard? In the last two months, he has "decided" on about 5 different paths he wants to take. Realistically, a relationship will only work if both people in the couple have their own lives and friends. This doesnt mean blaming him or calling him names but simply telling him how it makes you feel and asking for a compromise of some sort. There is an expectation that a partner should fulfill all of the others needs. I cant let go of wishing he were a stronger, more creative, more successful man who I could look to for experienced life advice. I told B, and he said it was a very tempting offer since they paid writers more than he was being paid as an editor, but ultimately he was going to be staying at his current job at least for another year, because he was still learning and he liked his co-workers. You enjoy doing many the same things, and you have moments where you feel really connected. Listen to him and his social needs. Your boyfriend is an introvert who is completely immersed in your love. You are such a woman. His coworkers were ditzy and our local version of Trumptards, and he always complained about how they kept wanting to eat out at nearby restaurants despite them being paid so little, but he always joined them and even went to a restaurant we had planned to visit with them (Im still mad about that). After we started dating, he went from C's and D's to A's and B's. I cant wake up next to my best guy friend. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Ask yourself if he is actively pursuing a relationship with the Lord. Intellectual stimulation matters. It just makes no sense to me. Some stuff happened and he had to leave that job, and I had been considering leaving for a long time before then but only actually left once he had. and our Paul Levina certified hypnotherapist, certified NLP practitioner, and founder of I Deserve a Perfect Lifesays feeling stuck in life is the result of living your life in a comfort zone while knowing you could be doing more, living better, being bigger. He says this is an unpleasant and unhealthy way to live life, yet so many do it and refuse to change. You are rightfully questioning whether you should be with a different kind of guy a man with life goals and big dreams. Taking risks is intimidating for a lot of peoplewed rather stay inside our bubbles and understandably so. I usually got out of work at 3pm, so most days, hed come see me after work and wed have something to eat, then hed leave to go to work. Today he told me he wants to just take off and move across the world (without a plan) because f**k America. He was being absolutely serious, and Im not sure if I should just throw in the towel now. Have you ever felt stuck before? When a guy needs space, you have no other choice but to give him what he needs. Sarah Epstein, a marriage and family therapist, explains: Theres this narrative out there that we have a dream and then we pursue it. Be brave. In those few months, I was just playing video games and working, I guess? She is a co-author of Leaving Depression Behind: An Interactive, Choose Your Path Book.. It seems like he has really unhealthy and unrealistic expectations of what he can get out of a job and is searching for the "Holy Grail". He Doesn't Have Any Friends Or Social Life While it's normal to spend a lot of time together as a couple, if he never interacts with anyone else or does anything without you, it could be a sign that he doesn't have any other interests or friends. I remember one girl telling him that she wanted to visit an amusement park, and him promising to take her, and her agreeing despite her also seeing someone else. And youre not wrong for wishing your boyfriend were stronger, more creative, and more experienced professionally. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. For introverted people who need more downtime than extroverts, it may be even more important to spend some time by oneself doing something enjoyable. The ambitious guy may work 70 hours a week. I told him that his lack of drive and complacency were killing me. You're the one with the problem, meanie!" 2. He thinks that my two jobs I work getting payed 12 hr isnt enough. My boyfriend has also completed a degree a few years but didnt progress from it. What are you supposed to say when you feel like he wants to achieve nothing significant with his life? I honestly dont care about that, and I was so happy that he was finally coming with us, but now hes making the process of applying for a visa a nightmare by being so nonchalant about it. I found a new job pretty quickly, but he STRUGGLED. They want men to fulfill the role of their best girlfriend and their rock-solid Marlboro Man simultaneously. Because you're afraid of scaring him off, you've given him the idea that you could take him or leave him. Well, if it were either kindness OR worldliness, Id say yes. In his spare time he just watches tv, and it seems he may actually have a TV addiction. He also hasn't gotten his GED yet and is apprenticing for an electrician, I feel like it's unfair of him to judge me so harshly when he hasn't even graduated and lives at home still. 3. How do we move forward? Its counter intuitive because one would think he would want to have sex with you because he cares about you. As stated before, there will be times when each person in the relationship would benefit from spending some time apart so they can focus on themselves instead of always putting one another first. 1. The ambitious guy may work 70 hours a week. Thriveworks was established in 2008, with the ultimate goal of helping people live happy and successful lives. We're all guilty of feeling a little envious of our friends or the people on our social feeds who are boasting of their recent successes: their promotion, their engagement, their pregnancy announcement. You keep things casual. Tanvi Mathew, licensed professional counselor, says you must realize that what makes others happy wont necessarily make you happy. The entire time we're dating, everything's great, no problems, I help keep him organized and try to help him develop healthy school habits. Reddit, Inc. 2023. In a lot of cases, it may seem difficult to identify where these stuck feelings really come fromso its important to take proactive steps to get out of this rut and discover what is missing from your life and what makes you feel content. Please tell me Im being too hard on him and myself. His executive planning is just not there, and he seems really erratic. Evan Marc Katz Dating Coach for Smart Successful Women. Want a Great Relationship? Theres a pretty big risk in doing so. This should be obvious. For example, one of the most common thoughts that people have, when they're 50+, is that they don't have enough time and energy to accomplish their goals and dreams. I can TOTALLY understand that! You may be employed, surrounded by friends, and even able to do healthy things, such as go to the gym at least every other day. Lately, you may feel like your life is lackluster and are yearning for something more. Its great if your partner wants to spend time with you, but if he doesnt have anything else going on in his life (no job, passion, or ambition) except for spending time with you, its a red flag. It might help to think about what gives their lives meaning and work backward from there. 11 Ways to Get a Direction in Life Whether you're in your 30s, fresh out of college, or just retired, trying to figure out your new direction in life can be tough. We did this for around six, maybe seven months until I just couldnt take it anymore. The point is, its a failing proposition to expect one man to be all things to you. Archived post. 2. If hes adamant that he has no one else to hang out with, then this may be a sign that he needs to develop his own social circle. Everyone needs alone time to relax and recharge. There isnt really an easy way to break up with someone who has no life outside of his relationship because its unlikely that he will be receptive to this type of lifestyle change. To preface, my boyfriend has a high school degree, but failed out of college 4 years ago. We had a big argument about it, and we both cried. 5. If you want to maintain a healthy social life for yourself, then you should encourage your boyfriend to have his own hobbies that dont include spending time with you or being dependent on you for support. When they feel stuck, my advice is to do something for someone else, says Life Coach Charlene Corpus. Now, Im not sure if my thinking that these things were appropriate was logical, or just influenced by my own trust issues. Sometimes Id travel to where he worked and wed eat there, but it was usually the same: wed spend maybe an hour, an hour and a half together, then hed go to work. But now that I have someone with whom Im super-compatible, my mind succumbs to the temptation what if theres someone else? Last week, I visited his office to work there (the company owns a co-working space) and I discovered that hes one of only 3 male employees, and he always sits with his female colleagues. This way its still an intimate experience, but without taking up all of your time. Need help with your relationship? Examine your expectations of your boyfriend (and don't expect him to change) The more you push your boyfriend toward what you think he should be doing with his life, the more stress you create in your relationship. He has been working retail since he quit college, barely making enough to afford groceries and his other bills, and has even asked me for help to pay his utilities once. 1.) You might be able to push him in the right direction, but you can't keep pushing him, so don't expect things to change. We both have a vision of how we want our future to be, and that future means staying in the area we grew up in around our families, and starting our own family here. Add that to the fact that managing his familys business leaves him with no time for much of anything else, and I really feel like were back where we started. At 25, this has truly made it hard for him to find a job because to bigger, more established companies, he hasnt had that much experience even though its like any other hard working job at say, like - local restaurant or a retail shop. In addition, we only use authoritative, trusted, and current sources. Ive asked him to finally decide what to do in his life. He Doesnt Have Any Friends Or Social Life. In this blog post, I'll help you ascertain why your boyfriend does not have a life outside you. I guess somehow, we ended up getting back together without actually even talking about it, which I know was a mistake, but thats already done so I cant change that. But despite your healthy relationship, one thing is missing - your boyfriend's ambition. Should we just break up now and save our future selves the trouble? My [24F] boyfriend [26M] and I have been together for 2.5 years. I started to resent him for choosing to work there, and refusing to keep looking for something better despite the bad pay and the shit schedule. I'm saying that as a dude who used to hate himself. I remember saying that if he thought this was alright behavior and appropriate to do with just friends, then we were better off just breaking it off then, because I dont want my boyfriend to be doing that stuff and if he wants to keep doing it, then I wasnt going to stop him. I have always been aware of having, or rather believing myself to have, absolutely no sense of direction, but for the first time in my life I'm questioning my self-diagnosis. As I said in the . It would be healthier for both of you if he developed his own set of friends so that when you do spend time together, its in a more relaxed environment where he isnt putting any pressure on you to give him your full attention. 7) Free your mind from unwanted thoughts. He adamantly refuses to go back to get his bachelors Press J to jump to the feed. 4. Thriveworks is currently working towards complete Accessibility of this website. While its flattering to be the center of someones world, it can also be a little suffocating, draining, and frustrating. Call me selfish, but I want stability in my life. How to Find Direction in Your Life If you're feeling stuck and don't know which way to turn, this exercise is the perfect starting place for gaining some clarity and figuring out which direction to head in. If your friends and family dont like him, it may mean that they see a red flag that youre not aware of. He stopped and cut all ties with that girl (that I know of). This plan is both realistic and measurable. First, our content is authored by the experts our editorial team co-writes our content with mental health professionals at Thriveworks, including therapists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, and more. Love is only easy when were so whipped that we cant even think clearly. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. While one cocktail . For a little bit of background, I'll kind of explain what he's been doing up until now. I just feel at such a loss. To preface, my boyfriend has a high school degree, but failed out of college 4 years ago. He doesn't want to play "bullshit politics" to advance in whatever career he chooses. He spends most days dealing with government offices and banks and processing paperwork for the business all for minimum wage and then spends most afternoons and evenings working on his ACTUAL job, where hes an editor but actually has to write content 90% of the time. And it would be easy to tell you to dump your boyfriend and seek one of these guys out. Countless people hold back from pursuing the things they actually love because they're afraid of risking (and potentially losing) what they have. Get a good nights sleep: when you are fatigued its easy to feel cranky and unmotivated. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. (However lately he is considering getting his associates degree.) It might actually do your boyfriend some good to get out of the house and spend time with friends rather than always expecting you to entertain him. What is most important to them? It's important that you don't judge yourself or feel guilty for not being as active or motivated as you would like. Keep a pen and tablet next to your bed and write down your dreams first thing upon awakening. It's not poured into you, it's not taught by a wise elder. He insists that he can be successful without education, despite the fact that he has absolutely no direction, ambition or motivation. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. 1. On one of those days, when Id resigned myself to just laying in bed and catching up on sleep, he surprised me by coming over and bringing ingredients for a lemon cheesecake. Guess Im looking for some insight and opinions because this has me blindsided.

Medicaid Endodontist Colorado, Laravel Foreach Loop->last Index In Controller, Alwar To Kota Bus Rsrtc Timetable, Articles M