So theyll get in there first. He could be unsure from time to time 6. Thank you. As a result, the relationship will end up being the same as before. They might help you, too. This boy found something wrong w every friend she had. You cannot fathom how your partner could possibly be over. You will meet your perfect match. I dont think Im missing Alex, shes still in my life and a great friend to me, I think I just want what she gave me and I want the relationship and the conversations and the love and kindness she provided .. but I want that from Sophie. But now youre gone, the narcissist misses the ability to control you. She can end up feeling like he is being selfish and just trying to get what he wants, even though he isnt offering her what she wants (i.e. Im sorry, but I cant give you what you want. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. When you see the way your ex treats his new girl, you feel like it was all your fault that he didnt do the same for you. She ended up leaving him after a few years and a child and he basically begged her to stay. How have you been? and then tell you that she has a new boyfriend and is in love with him. His dad has his name tattooed on him. So, she will essentially be getting back into a relationship with you for her own reasons, without you having to waste your time and energy trying to plead with her or convince her based on exhausting, emotional conversations. The narcissist will try and convince you that theres something wrong with you for not staying friends. Whether youre thinking, my ex-boyfriend hates me, or youre dealing with a messy divorce, you can expect the air between you and your ex to be full of tension, even if youve both tried to respect each others wishes. All rights reserved. And he wants to protect himself from being hurt again. All she did was look pretty and he would fall head over heels for her. In any case, you cant exactly blame them for rallying to his side and wanting to help him move on. Reddit, Inc. 2023. Yet, days or weeks later, he is surprised to find that she is dating other guys or has already slept with a new guy, while hes been sitting around in the background as her nice, dependable ex boyfriend. Whatever the betrayal, it cant hurt to simply apologize if you havent already and to do what you can (and what is reasonable) to make amends. That answer depends on the type of person you are. This may sound bizarre, but often when your ex is acting like an asshole to you or being cold and distant, it means they still care about you or have feelings for you. He could be developing/growing and changing 7. Copyright The Modern Man. For context: I (M22) dated Alex (F21) for a few months about four or five years ago. I know it sounds scary, but you have to put yourself above anything and anyone else. So, if you want a relationship with your ex, dont make her feel as though its because you cant find another quality woman to replace her with. Now, that doesnt mean that youre too demanding or that you always deserve more, just that you deserve your own soulmate more than someone whos only meant to teach you a lesson. Reading Suggestion: What is narcissistic Supply? The first is if the other person left. I didnt want to do that anymore. My concerns were never addressed and I was left feeling guilty for considering accepting the promotion that I really want. Shes assertive when it came to her own wants and needs. my (19f) boyfriend(19m) does not treat me as well as he did his ex. The plan is to keep you within reach. Maybe you even humiliated them in front of others. Its understandable if he suspects youve poisoned their minds against him. Another contrast is, him moving in and proposing to her after a year, yet after three years of us being together, saying if it was up to him we would only meet once or twice a week and there is no talk of future plans. Shes demanded whatever she thinks she deserves. For more information, please see our Theyll start being overly nice by buying you gifts, and taking you out. Scared that I am wasting my time with him and I am just a meh placeholder for him. These exes that the narcissist connects with because theyre still under the narcissists spell. He is now w his live in cousins gf. If youre wondering, Does my ex hate me? look for the following behavioral signs: If you were nodding your head at more than one of these, chances are your ex feels something less than warmth toward you. Now that youve looked through 13 possible reasons your ex seems to hate you, which one sounded like the best fit for your situation? Last Updated on January 31, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester. his ex was his first love, and was insanely in love with her. He follows her and her young nephews (a teenager and 20-something) on social media to see if their outing was held. I know she loves me but I also feel like she despises me, at least on occasion. If you took something that actually belongs to him and was never explicitly given to you, you need to either return it or ask if he would accept a fair trade. The narcissists jealousy will lead them to want to drag you back down to the level you were at when you were together. Sometimes in these moments I have these thoughts of Alex would have never spoke to me that way. I couldnt see a healthy life with him, I dreaded his stories about other women and ran the relationship into the ground. Then, by the time you contact her again (hoping that not contacting her has made her desperately want you back), she might say something like, Hey! After that, in a typical narcissistic style, the conversation will switch to youll never find anyone to love you as much as they did because youre too flawed. Reddit, Inc. 2023. Secretly, she might be texting other guys, going on dates or planning to go on a date with a guy she has a crush on, or a guy who has had a crush on her and has been waiting for her to end the relationship with you. Wrong. I want a relationship or nothing, because she will likely then say something along the lines of, Okay, well I guess we should stop seeing each other then. TLDR: My boyfriend of 3 years seemed to have been a million times more romantic and passionate about his ex wife and planned future early on and spent a lot of time with her compared to me. They might say something like, I hated the way my ex dressed, they never made an effort for me. For more information, please see our I want to plan a life with someone who I feel loved by every day, who I feel like understands me and wants me to be happy no matter what. I understood her feelings but her reaction felt harsh to me. He will treat you exactly how youve always wanted to be treated. Do Narcissists want their ex back? They either realized they were dating a narcissist and got out of the relationship as fast as their legs could carry them and didnt look back. She can then break his heart all over again by telling him that she is seeing someone else now. Her and I still keep in touch and are friendly. Privacy Policy. Your mutual friends, who used to enjoy spending time with both of you, have abandoned him to hang with you insteadtaking your side of the story as the only one that matters. She is trying so hard to win over his friends. Shes not better or worse than you are just for being with your ex-partner. I know he didnt it on purpose bc 2 days before he threatened to do it. Reading Suggestion: How do Narcissists treat their friends? He says he would want more but now having a child and other responsibilities its harder to spend a lot of time. I had to truly spend some time thinking about myself and my own needs. Its also possible your ex was hoping youd change your mind and go back to them. But maybe he isnt that bad of a guy, he just didnt know how to treat you right. Studies prove that people with narcissistic personality traits, maintain contact with their exes because theyve got something to gain such as sex or resources like money. Theyll see you living the good life, going on vacations, eating out at exclusive restaurants, and spending time with your new boo. Are you manly and emotionally strong with her, or are you a bit too soft and docile around her to the point where she feels like the more emotionally strong and dominant one? Its an approach that rarely works because women dont like to feel as though they are being pressured into giving an ex another chance. Alex, on the other hand, congratulated me as soon as she saw the news and was ecstatic for me. However, make sure that you also make adjustments to your behavior around her, so she can see that a relationship with you really would be different this time around. As mentioned, narcissists only get involved in a relationship if theres narcissistic supply available, if not, theyre not interested. No one can tell me what Im feeling but Id at least appreciate someone trying to talk me through things. You feel like theres nothing you can do to be loved and appreciated by a person. That doesnt mean that you were a bad girlfriend or that you werent worthy of love and affection. How To Be Feminine In A Relationship: 14 Tips To Amplify Your Energy. As with all emotions, it can be used positively or negatively. I am also overly sensitive due to my own trauma (in basically all my past relationships I had this conviction that my partners loved they exs more than me, even though looking back I know for a fact that was not by far true). He had time to rethink his behavior and thats a good thing, 8. I have been with my boyfriend for three years. Or you want to do everything that you can do to get back together? Youll never have any peace, youll be in a constant state of limbo, and the narcissist will never allow you to move on. The last outing he attended was 19 years ago. Reading Suggestion: How Dating a Narcissist Changes You. The fact that you two werent right for each other isnt the fault of either of you. When youre with the right person, everything is so much easier. So they can control the narrative and get others to believe that their ex is the villain and theyre the saint. Imagine everyones shock when we split up. If you really want to know whats going on, you could just as easily ask your mutual friends if its really as good as their pictures make it seem. My 17 yr old daughter j left a boy who Im positive is a narcissist. Sometimes a guy will be pushing for a relationship and essentially giving his ex an ultimatum like, Its either a relationship or nothing., Then, the woman will say something like, Okay, fine. So, after theyve broken up with you and in a new relationship, the narcissist might feel that the supply theyre getting from their current partner is not as good as the supply, they got from you. Does your ex hate you? You shouldnt want your ex back at this point, because even if you did, it doesnt mean that he would treat you better than before. When you do that, she will begin to realize that she doesnt need to look elsewhere because you are what she wants. Whether they believe the narcissist or not is irrelevant, theyve sown a seed of doubt so that when you do tell your side of the story, theyre skeptical. Yes, and not for the reasons a normal person would want their ex back. Maybe you cheated, and the relationship hasnt recovered from that. When I stay at her house, I feel like a burdensome stranger in her space. When it comes to the ex-partners of a narcissist, they fall into two categories. By approaching the break up in that way, they can continue doing some of the fun things they used to do as a couple (e.g. When you were together, theyd say things like, you cant do anything without me. I had to get a protective order against HIS ex at the time that I was seeing him. So at the end of the day, she gets that treatment from him. Thats when I saw and heard from others how perfectly he treated her. I don't know if he actually likes me, or he wishes I was her. With Alex I felt much more loved, calm and content, intrigued, challenged, comforted, etc. He has helped men from all over the world to get a woman back and he can help you too. I dont know how to address it anymore, Ive tried and I never feel happy or satisfied to move forward. And even if he did meet her right after the breakup, he couldnt have fallen in love that quickly. Whenever her brother-in-law or sister comes into town, he uses his sister to get invitations to dinner (or invites himself) or drives past her nephews house to see if the brother-in-laws truck is in front of the house. They want to keep in touch with their exes to keep them under control. In this case, since youre saying you dont want to be friends anymore, hell remind you that hes got something on you that could destroy you. I dont take suicide lightly, so I advise you to seek professional help if it ever comes to this. If narcissistic partners dont care about their lovers, what makes you think theyre going to care about their exes? So to fool you into believing that the contact wont be the same if you remain friends, theyll say theyre going to therapy to work through their issues. 17 Heartbreaking Signs Your Husband Hates You, 21 Examples Of Healthy Boundaries In Relationships, 11 Major Signs Youve Met The Right Person At The Wrong Time. It was just too much work to teach him how to love someone properly. One of the things theyll do is use verbal trickery to convince you theyre not the same person. Watch this free video and he will explain what you need to do to get her back. She reacted very defensively at first and eventually ended up breaking down, calling herself a bad partner, saying she cant do anything right, I comforted her and reassured her and eventually she was okay and then everything went back to normal. Are you confident and self-assured around her, or do you become insecure and unsure of yourself when shes being moody or closed off towards you. In other words, level up and start being the kind of man she is now looking for. A lot of people change, but there were enough clues in your past relationship to know it wouldnt work out. He obviously didnt know how to treat you right and that was reason enough for you two to separate and go your own ways. Reading Suggestion: Are Narcissists Happy With Themselves? Sorry, I cant give you what you want.. Their cruelty or confrontational behaviour is their way of dealing with these emotions, and typically it's actually a subconscious . Archived post. It hurts. Alex and I could talk about everything and anything for hours. I dont want to stay and waste my time as we both deserve better and fear that I am just in denial out the fact that he feels lukewarm about me at best compared to her. Look at the situation from his perspective, and its easy to see why that would hurt. The narcissist knows that as soon as their current relationship fails, theyve got someone to run to who is willing and waiting to take them back. Basically treating her like a girlfriend. Youre gaslighting yourself because he gaslighted you for years. With that in mind, what will you do differently today? And I wish I felt that way with Sophie. I wanted out from the start, but the thrill and the gaslighting made me a completely different person. Ouch. You could be. To make you jealous, to convince others, or for some other reason, it doesnt matter. So, the narcissist will think things like, Finley truly worshipped me like the angelic being that I am, Charlies got some work to do. Then theyll start calling and texting you, trying to gain access to some of that good supply once more. Finally, another mistake to avoid in a situation like yours is. The only way they can gain access to you again is through friendship, so the narcissist will do everything possible to make that happen. 20 Sure Signs a Married Man Wants To Sleep With You. Additionally, if she meets new men who make her feel a lot of sexual and romantic attraction, she will care less and less that youre not contacting her anymore. I was so obsessed with the fact that my ex treats his new girlfriend so much better than he ever treated me until I met my soulmate. Even though youre no longer together, the narcissist wants you to remain broken, and theyll do everything they can to bring you back down to the level of inferiority they believe youre supposed to be at and stay at. These exes are typically very empathetic in nature, or theyre actually empaths. Before you hear your brain desperately shout,My ex treats his new girlfriend better!please consider who your ex actually is. People are much more insecure than they initially let us believe. Yet, a guy wont always know that and as a result, he will just talk to her like a friend and end up placing himself in the friend zone. He would make such huge sacrifices just to show up and spend time with me. The narcissist will attempt to convince you that theyre the best lover youve ever had. Are you serious about getting your ex back? After that experience maybe he is also more afraid of rejection and is playing it more careful. I was friends with his ex for a while until my boyfriend and I started talking. Please stop contacting me from now on and I will do the same with you.. When someone breaks up with you, you feel as if youre undeserving of love and you dont have any game left in you. If youre dating someone else within weeks of your divorce or break-up, your ex might take that personally. It just means that you werent right for him. Why do they talk about their ex? So you can expect your ex to start sending you steamy text messages to remind you of how good the sex used to be. After all, hes obviously capable of being romantic, considerate, and doing all the things you asked him to do. No, it wasn't always like this and that's what makes it so dangerous. The only difference is theyll resort to telling you that your weaknesses are the reasons why youll never find anyone to love you as much as them. I cant begin to tell you how bad that is for your mental health, self-esteem, and self-respect. This article helped significantly with directing the healing towards myself. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. As great as it would be to erase an ex out of your memory once the relationship ends, unfortunately, that's not possible. How to make a Narcissist Obsessed With You? I miss the way I felt with her. 9 Clear Signs Its Time To Move On, 109 Best Appreciation Messages To Show Gratitude, The Ultimate Love List: 365 Reasons Why I Love You, 11 Effective Exercises For Letting Go Of Resentment, 13 Best Ways To Deal With A Disrespectful Grown Child, 147 Powerful Morning Affirmations To Start Your Day. TL;DR - My ex was much kinder, more loving, and more understanding than my current gf. Wow, yea, this describes & matches the way he was/is to a tee Its so Fd up. When in actuality it has nothing to do with you. He wants to use her because all he needs is a quick fix. He didnt know that his behavior was so bad. I feel so sad and demoralized and like I am just some placeholder he never loved or will love or feel excited about ever close to his ex. How to Get a Narcissist to Admit They Cheated? If nothing is keeping you in his orbit, getting away may be the best thing for you both. Give yourself time to grieve, tooeven if youre not yet aware of what youve lost. If theres still love, its either not mutual or not enoughor both. Theyre incredibly giving and very forgiving. When your ex asks you to have their back and admit youve done the same, you respond with, Do you know what they would do to me if they knew?. Reading Suggestion: How to Piss Off a Narcissist? Its one thing to disagree and to be honest about that. So let's get stuck in Alternatively, rather than telling him that she is seeing someone else, she will simply respond less and less to his texts, avoid his calls and is generally be a bit colder towards him when they talk. Its only a mindset that he manipulatively embedded in you. So, now that you're thinking, "Yep, my ex-husband hates me," let's look at 13 plausible reasons why. An abusive relationship can make you think that you still need the abuser. His behavior is about him and his apparent decision to ice you out. This is probably the best reminder you could hear. Answer (1 of 8): 1. A classic strategy narcissists use to keep their victims under control is belittling them. Thats exactly what can happen to you, as well. Theyre the ones who do the dumping. The narcissists jealousy may even lead them to try and sabotage your new relationship by spreading rumors about you or your new partner. But he still loves you and is still hurting. If you dismiss his charge of abuse as overreacting or projecting, its worth taking a closer look at your relationshipideally with a therapist who has relevant experience. Only certain exes Can You be Friends With a Narcissist Ex? Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! I made everyone believe that we had an epic love that could withstand any blow. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. When we met, he expected me to go (I declined) and expressed my concern that he wanted to go without me. The narcissist will assess the situation to see which direction they need to take to worm their way back into your life. There might be affiliate links on some of the pages of this site, which means we could earn a small commission on anything you buy. she doesnt have feelings for him) and hes pushing for a relationship, then it can make her feel resentful towards him. I dont want a relationship and you dont seem to understand that. Its especially important you keep this reminder close to your heart if your ex was a narcissist and you were a victim of narcissistic abuse. All rights reserved. If you cannot get over your ex, you need to work on your internal issues because it means that you have not accepted your breakup. Youre going through awful feelings that keep you bound to your bed. She wasnt happy about my promotion or me wanting to continue with my current job at all). If he seems genuinely happy, then hes moved on and this new relationship isnt just a stunt. Youll need no contact from your ex nor will you want to stalk him anymore. Here are nine ways a narcissist treats their exes. Since women arent attracted to desperate men, she will then feel more determined not to get back with him and just move on. Narcissists have got a reputation to uphold, when the relationship comes to an end, the last thing they need is for their ex to start trashing their name. Or there are the exs who the narcissist discarded, and theyre still nursing a broken heart. Another thing that hurts: During their relationship he used to post about her all the time as the one and only love of my life and constantly saying things like my gorgeous girlfriend etc. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. When you hit the send button, you never thought the photo would be used against you in a million years. It could also be true that someone on your exs sidefamily, friends, coworkers, etc.is trash-talking you behind your back to persuade him hes better off without you. Lately, you may have been turning her off the idea of having a relationship with you, but can now start making her want it by using a new approach. My Ex Girlfriend Shouts at Me When I Try to Talk to Her. That approach can make her initially curious, but if she doesnt have much or any sexual or romantic feelings for you anymore, she will simply see it as the relationship breaking up and fading away. My Ex Treats Me Like Her Boyfriend, But Doesn't Want a Relationship 5 common reasons why a woman will do that to her ex and how you can turn things around and get her back into a relationship: 1. Do you make her feel like a hot, sexy woman when shes with you, or does she feel more like a non-sexual friend? The only reason why they would want their ex back is that they know theyre an easy source of supply. Even as a friend, theyll play the same games they played when you were in a relationship such as revenge, playing the victim, triangulation, and gaslighting. Put yourself in their place, and dont rule out a genuine, empathetic apology. Deep down, they are hurting souls and not the cruel calculating individuals theyre perceived to be. I never made ultimatums like that. Good for you for getting out! Almost there! If youre unsure of what you might need to change, here are a few questions to ask yourself to find out: If youre not offering her the kind of attraction experience she wants in a relationship, she simply wont feel compelled to get back with you. And rather than stick up for your ex and tell the critics to back off or to go ahead and attack you, too, you keep silent. There I was, I had everything figured out except my own relationship. We tend to internalize these issues in order to make sense of them. Reddit, Inc. 2023. Keep this reminder close to your heart. This also means that youll find your own perfect match one day. The only reason theyve mentioned therapy is to manipulate you. But you couldnt move forward just by seeing his potential. But he was mistreating me, he never made me his priority, so I chose to walk away. Cookie Notice Any past relationship that involved abusive behavior, dishonesty, or ghosting in lieu of a real breakup is automatically disqualified, because the common . No matter what, never blame the girl. They will spend that time obsessing over what they did wrong and how they can become the perfect lover when the narcissist returns. 103 Things To Do When Bored In A Class Lecture, How To Forgive Someone And Let Go Of Anger, Decode His Heart with These 15 Signs a Scorpio Man is Smitten with You, 9 Situations Where You Should Compromise in a Relationship to Find Middle Ground, Taurus and Gemini in Love: Assessing Compatibility Between Earth and Air, 9 Weakness of Sociopaths and How to Use Their Weakness for Your Mental Health and Safety, The Dry Spell Dilemma: How Long is Too Long Without Sex in a Relationship.

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