Were not getting to those, w- whether it be childhood wounds-. And and so, we talk about this in the book. You saw this pattern over and over again, in your practice. And I think God has a great sense of humor. He is the founding pastor of Woodland Hills Family Church in Branson, Missouri. And thats when I would begin teaching that couple quality couple time, enjoying life together and bringing more humor into your marriage. Jim: Yeah. Jim: And how did that how did that come about? But, uh, you and John went to this glassblowing class. Jim: That is so good. We were at an event. Wow, six times before lunch? Refresh your relationship at an all-inclusive Focus on Marriage Getaway. December 28, 2021 Debra Fileta will help couples better understand the four seasons of healthy relationships, what to expect during each one, and how to carefully navigate them for a stronger marriage. Arlene Pellicane shares fun stories and power-packed research to encourage you with nuts-and-bolts reminders of strong parentingteaching respect, instilling character, and spending intentional time with your children. So, on the opposite end of the spectrum, she goes into her relationship giving too little, not giving too much, but giving too little because shes afraid to trust. Jim: And John, we also recommend that everyone get a copy of Debras great bookLove in Every Season. Jim: Okay, so somebody whos not had a high degree of humor in their marriage and theyre saying, Okay, I heard Ted Cunningham today on Focus on the Family. Jim: What about, what about the person, the Christian who says, Well, its godly to be on that side of the equation. I just wish my husband were there with me.. Ted: Youve laughed youve laughed 30 or 40 times already today, Jim. Go home equipped to cherish one another in more meaningful ways. That pursuit led me down a road of personal healing and growth. Focus on the Family's staff of licensed, professional counselors can help you bring healing and restoration to your family with Christian perspectives you can trust. One woman told us this: it takes intentionality to keep a marriage strong. But its interesting how busyness and obligations and schedule and all those things take you away from the very things that allow you to do some of this intimacy work-. Jim: (Laughter) Yeah, cause I cant afford to go out (laughter). Jim: But the point is they just describe how marriage flows. Is the love there, but not the spark? You know, John and I met at a conference up in Boston. But after they go through the marriage intensive, which is what we hear from couples coming out of the marriage intensive years later Were experiencing levels of marital satisfaction we never dreamed possible then its at that point, you begin to teach them how not to get back into the drift. Because we get older, we have wrinkles, things start to sag. Uh, you didnt write the book right after being married. You know, thats Its easy to say that Well, just stop giving too much. But you have to get to the root of why a person gives too much in order to help them stop giving too much. Were not talking about humor thats sarcastic thats, like, tearing of the flesh. You got that scowl. Thats quite a trek. Check out Debra's podcast to discover the purpose and excitement of the spring season in relationships. Here are some tips about how to handle intimacy when the passion is strong. Shes chuckling because she knows what Im thinking, which is thats the fun part of being married a long time. (Part 1 of 2) Receive Gary Thomas' book "Cherish" for your donation of any amount! I there are still things to learn. (Part 1 of 2). You need to make decisions. Whats going on with that? Parents, it's time to step up and bea parent! Learn new tools from our highly qualified facilitator couples. And Ive been married over 30 years. Double your gift for struggling couples and expand efforts like Hope Restored marriage intensives! Thats kind of how you define that season, usually in the beginning of a relationship. Im doing pretty well. Debra: Well, like you said, the first step is to acknowledge it, you know, to say were struggling. Dear (laughter). There we go. Get Directions. And a lot of our listeners resonated with this episode, making it one of our most popular programs of the year. You see the beautiful colors of spring. Ted: Were not talking about humor thats biting. And right now, DOUBLE YOUR DOLLARS to impact twice as many marriages through a $1.4 MILLION matching opportunity provided by generous friends of the ministry. This is a list of television programs formerly or currently broadcast by TLC. John: Oh, I was going to ask about that. $160 - $250. My wife is a foodie. Like, I didnt see that that one coming. Warm and sizzling, rising passions. Northern Illinois. Do you know your marriage's strengths and weaknesses? Its just, laughter has its place. Jim: And I think in human relationships, I think its fair to say that that physical attraction is kind of the gateway to the relationship. (Laughs). And Amys the one that gave us that first ratio when I asked her, If you were to compare our laughs to our conflict, what would you what would the ratio be? And she didnt even she gives answers quick in our marriage. Jim: And its just so funny. And youve got the overhead lights that I use a spotlight, so when its my turn to sing, I put the spotlight on me, and then I turn it off and put it on Amy. Its just a flat silicone lid that you put on the top of it. Love your neighbor, but dont love yourself. Jim: But with them. Debra: It is, it is quite a trek, but it was worth it. Five Ways to Add Fun to Your Marriage Laugh Together as a Couple Listen Anytime If you've listened to any of our podcasts, please give us your feedback. $30 $60 $120 $240 $ DONATE GIVE MONTHLY Espaol Call Store My Account Focus on the Family Broadcast Ted: That fake laughter can turn into real laughter. Well, we didnt go from zero to 120 like you did. And this is where it came in. Ted: The lowest forms of comedy because people will say the same thing. And these personalities really make you get stuck if youre not careful, because weve got people on one side who give too much, and then weve got people on the other side who give too little. Debra: Well, when John and I were dating, he was doing some really, uh, intellectual research at Harvard Medical School. And if we dont get to the root and begin healing them, theyre gonna continue affecting our present. Debra: I had to let it simmer, I had to watch the seasons go by. What are they? Choose the amount you would like to give. Jim: Debra, lets dive into spring, as the first of the season descriptions. Like, just fake the laughter. Jim: But this is a great way, again, uh, to invoke some lightheartedness into your marriage. Is that right? Using Humor to Get Through the Best and Worst Of Times (Part 1 of 2) June 29, 2023. Debra: and the attra the physical attraction also increases. Ill say it again rejoice. I mean, these are decisions that we make. But if I I give some low-hanging fruit for humor and laughter. Well, the mistake she made is she picked it up and walked over to the refrigerator with it. Ted: Absolutely. Commitment is everything. Jim: Okay. Ted: And and you mentioned the engineers. The author is Ted Cunningham. John joined Focus on the Family in 1991 and began co-hosting the daily Focus on the Family radio program in 2001. Keep in mind that what you focus on will grow. Its 2000 degrees Fahrenheit. And so, you have to find ways. Its a suction lid. Its just its just the decision that you make is I can be frustrated on this customer service call right now or I can have fun with it. You just need a paycheck and a few jokes. But women find men with a sense of humor attractive. Jim: Well, one of the things and people are going to be shocked, but I mean, when the boys and Jean and I are praying you know, were getting together; we do a little devotion or something, and then were about to pray. Ted: Oh, thats way underachieving. My wife loves massages. And so, you dont have to be a funny guy, a funny lady, you dont have to be a comedian to find the humor in life for your marriage. And most of the material, I understand, for the book came from Teds marriage to his wife, Amy. You can rescue a couple from the brink of divorce and restore a family! Weve got a lot of great resources for you, including a team of caring Christian counselors. So, the first time she took us to a foodie restaurant and you know what I mean by foodie? Jim: Okay, that right there, though, I did want to hit that, and we might as well hit it early because temperaments play into this. Thats the pursuit part. What is it? And the book is full of over a hundred practical ways to pursue laughter and humor in your marriage. And a lot of marriages start that way with lots of fun and excitement in the spring season moving right into summer. Focus on the Family is a global Christian ministry dedicated to helping families thrive. Laugh. Ted: And Im in a restaurant. Ted: And this waiter deadpan I mean, hes as serious as can be says, No, the chef picked this earlier today in New Jersey. Like Im supposed to be impressed with New Jersey mint. Debra: Yeah. Freezing, is our love gone forever? And overwhelmingly, a majority of them said it was spiritual attraction. Jim: (Laughter) And youre in a restaurant. 800, the letter in the word FAMILY, or stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. Common Problems and Letting Go of Selfishness. You have to make what were talking about right now intentional. Debra: Shes protecting her heart, shes protecting-. I mean, and I go all the way through, it even makes you more attractive. Its good to see. Suddenly, theres a chill in the air, the weathers changing, leaves are falling, whats happening to our love? Theyre kicking in to help with a little one. Were counting on your partnership as we head into 2022. John: Lots of practical biblical insights from Dr. Gary Chapman today on Focus on the Family. He is our father and unfortunately, hes the father of a lot of teenagers. And if you become intentional, it can become natural again to where its just the ebb and flow of your daily life as a couple. But heres the thing, that was in dating. But she spent an hour in the kitchen chopping and cutting and dicing, making this salad beautiful put it in this bowl. Ted: That took you into that. Hes also the author ofA Love That Laughs, which is a brand-new book that Focus on the Family is putting out. Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs describe their marriage journey of infidelity, divorce and restoration, and encourage other couples not to give up on redeeming their relationship. Thats the emphasis of the book, is to be observational in our humor. Shes more of a serious, uh, person by nature. Right? Debra: Sometimes we dont even notice that were doing it. We can find it while driving. Raising Godly Children in Today's Culture Focus on the Family Broadcast Parenting Arlene Pellicane shares fun stories and power-packed research to encourage you with nuts-and-bolts reminders of strong parentingteaching respect, instilling character, and spending intentional time with your children. Reawaken fun in your marriage and move from roommates to soulmates again with the help of this 7-part video series. We dont know why that were doing it. Thats what I tell the guys in our church all the time. When sometimes, maybe you dont feel totally attracted to somebody, but then you see all of the other qualities and characteristics-. And so, I already had all sorts of attitude going into it. I, I dont know if I would have the patience for that but tell us what happened. And then all the way into the season of winter when things start to kind of cool off. I rubbed it everywhere. Debra: But everything else increases when youve got strong spiritual attraction, mental emotional attraction, personal attraction. Amy Carroll shares how her perfectionism led to her being discontent in her marriage for over a decade, how she learned to find value in who Christ is, not in what she does, and practical ways everyone can accept the messiness of marriage and of life. John, heres a heads up with my boys. Its either me or Trent or Troy. Pursue it and this is key itll itll catch on. And then you move into the season of summer when things start to get hot, right? Um, early in your marriage, you had to find that fun way, though, of communicating, right? Now we pursue it. Debra: I think sometimes in marriage, um, especially because weve been taught about our roles in marriage. Please stand with us with your prayers and financial support here at the end of the year. Amy Carroll shares how her perfectionism led to her being discontent in her marriage for over a decade, how she learned to find value in who Christ is, not in what she does, and practical ways everyone can accept the messiness of marriage and of life. It is not just one thing. Maybe you grow up sort of feeling this insecurity underlying, and you get your value from the relationships that you engage in, so you become a person who goes into romantic relationships feeling insecure and feeling that you have to give and give and give and give in order to be loved. Its just not who she is. But she was laughing and having a good time because she knew I was miserable through the whole thing. And hes got a mint leaf sticking out of both sides of it. But it doesnt say sorrow is good, laughter is bad. And he does the same. RedLocus Psychotherapy accepts these insurance providers. Ted: That youre almost yeah, its just its like karaoke in the car. Invite your husband into the process. A thriving marriage requires two spouses who are good at giving apologies that reflect personal responsibility. Theres things that hes absolutely not interested in by default, but he chooses to become interested in those things because he wants to build another string-. Ted is a graduate of Liberty University and Dallas Theological Seminary. And hopefully, were laughing at ourselves more often. I initially pursued a career in mental health in the hopes of understanding the brokenness around me and to help as many people as would allow me. I cover this in the book over actually a couple of pages. Here are some ideas for navigating conflict during the fall season of marriage. Jim: Uh, and you know what? Few things prepare your children for success more than growing up with a mom and dad who thoroughly enjoy each other. And hes with us today on Focus on the Family. And we decided. I give even when it hurts to give.. Forgiveness and Healing for Post-Abortive Women, 8605 Explorer Drive Colorado Springs, CO 80920-1051, Raising Godly Children in Todays Culture, Becoming Friends With Your In-Laws (Part 2 of 2). How attracted am I to someone but, you know, attraction is four layers. Debra: Yeah. Im not married yet, but I want to be one day, and this is valuable. And thats why Focus on the Family is here, folks, to help strengthen and support your marriage and connect you with solid experts like our guest today, Debra Fileta. I I tend to be that way, too. Original Air Date: January 24, 2022. She already has answers. A spiders web looks so fragile, but really, it is strong, it is stronger than the material used for a bulletproof vest. John: This is where my girls in particular have watched us interact, and theyre like, Mom, hes just telling you the weather and youre laughing about it. Its not by nagging your spouse to do devotions with you more or nagging them to pray with you more but beginning to set that example in your own life and inviting them on that journey with you. And these things, sometimes were not even conscious of those triggers, those behaviors that are, uh, kind of putting us in that position of being a giver or a taker, or what have you, right? It eases tension, diffuses anger, lightens the mood. Ted: Take that thats just I can eat that every day. When you look at a spiders web, therere so many tiny little strings connecting it together. And all you need to do to make it natural again is become intentional. Um, you know, Ill just try to play the role of the, of the girlfriend. Laughter, on a daily basis, is like taking a vitamin for your marriage. What makes me behave like this? I know Im going to hear from people say, Hey, Im funny and Im an engineer. I get that. Yeah. Is this where were starting with this thing?. Uh, it leads us to what youre calling the callback. 28 min playlist_add 3 days ago The Best Choices You Can Make For Your Marriage Dr. Ron and Jan Welch will talk about communicating well, choosing forgiveness and unselfishness, and challenging. And I want to explore that a little bit, where even in that scenario, you know, the wifes chuckling because she knows and the husbands getting mad, not hes not laughing about it. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. I think some people misunderstand and they view selflessness as passivity. And I think before we can just simply say well stop giving too much. Debra: and uprooting weeds, the things that we dont wanna see in our relationship. Larnelle Harris shares stories about how God redeemed the dysfunctional past of his parents, the many African-American teachers who sacrificed their time and energy to give young men like himself a better future, and how his faithfulness to godly principles gave him greater opportunities and career success than anything else. And now thats the decision. And when were struggling in the present many times its a sign that therere some past wounds that need to be healed. Ted Cunningham is the founding pastor of Woodland Hills Family Church in Branson, Missouri. And she, you know, she looks into every detail of life. 800-232-6459 or donate online and access those resources at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. Well, I wasnt in the I was thinking, Okay, Lord, Ill live my life single if thats what you want me to do. And then boom, I met Jean and went, Okay, Lord, is this good? (Laughs). So, start by bringing more laughter into your marriage. As a licensed counselor, you know, in my practice, the analogy of the seasons was just so clear in the relationships that I worked with of people go from spring to summer, to fall and winter, all in one relationship and then they repeat. And so, laughter a cheerful heart is good medicine. Home Episodes Focus on the Family Broadcast Loving Your Spouse Through the Seasons of Marriage (Part 1 of 2). You dont you dont even have to have conversation and you can laugh because you know how your spouse is processing something. You know, spring is the season when affection is high emotions are, you know, really intense. And in fact, you outline three personality types of people who, uh, give too much. Jim: Uh, so, describe Go ahead and describe those types again, so we fully understand that. Debra: You know, I think first and foremost, we have to take a good assessment of how were each doing spiritually standing alone. So, theres physical benefits to laughter. Debra: Um, something that he has always enjoyed and wanted to try. You know. Debra: This is our first time to leave him. Debra: That just goes to show you that little thread. Take the lead in your relationship of moving your marriage to the Lord. Focus on Marriage Podcast Habits that Lead to Happiness 00:00 / 08:19 Recent Episodes View all Habits that Lead to Happiness July 11, 2023 A good marriage is partly built on the foundation of healthy habits. Ted: And thats why in the book, we get we want couples to figure out what their callbacks are. It struck me a moment ago when you were talking about it the ability to to sing and dance. And we have so many callbacks in our marriage, taking everything thats irritating, frustrating, annoying that that would just usually grate on us, and we just the key with all of this is weve made the decision were going to enjoy life together. Focus on Marriage Assessment The Focus on the Family Marriage Assessment is designed to evaluate the strength of 12 essential traits of your marriage. John:Wed love to hear from you, and we so appreciate your generous support. Its a bunch of tiny little strings, from physical connection to emotional connection to spiritual connection, things that youre working on to continue connecting those strings to your spouse. And weve got this and that., Jim: Well, Ted, your book is, uh, just full of great laughing activities. That is not. HeyTed, welcome to Focus, by the way. Ted: You know, I I listen to your broadcast. And weve invited one of our favorite guests here today, pastor and all-around funny guy, Ted Cunningham, to help us with this. Well, theres many different reasons. And if your marriage is in a crisis mode, were going to direct you to Hope Restored our marriage intensives. Ted: Its finding the humor in everyday life. The Focus on the Family Marriage Assessment is designed to evaluate the strength of 12 essential traits of your marriage. Ted: And you watch somebody fake laughing and youre like, This is the weirdest thing Ive ever seen. And it starts to trigger something in you. You'll hear all of the year's best encouragement on marriage, parenting, growing your faith, and even some tough topics for tough times, all from a biblical perspective you trust. Or maybe youre a people pleaser. And Jim, heres how you began this Best of episode of Focus on the family. And and Im just gonna say, we were in California. Humor is a great way that we can express ourselves through through difficult and challenging times. Uh, and so, we kind of make sure were watching movies that make us laugh. The Focus on the Family Marriage Assessment is designed to evaluate the strength of 12 essential traits of your marriage. (Laughs). This is the power of how God created us, this laughter, this joy. You just didnt know the name of it because the callback is when theres a punchline earlier in a set, and he brings it back up or she brings it back up off of a different story or a different premise. Get a copy of the book, Marriage Meetups A Planner for Couples Who Want a Productive, Passionate and Purposeful Life. But its fun. But today, we want to help you brush up on those comedy skills (laughter) and not for an audience of many but for an audience of one, your spouse. And we developed our friendship very quickly. And I hated every single minute of that 60-minute massage. And one of the things they do is, they just sit around in circles, and they fake laugh, okay? But not everybodys wired that way. Pastor Ted Cunningham: It is something you can get better at. Debra Fileta: Thank you. It just turns to putty, and you can shape it however you want. And for me, it was a while until I knew that he was the person I wanted to marry. Jim Daly: Hey, John, heres a revelation. Jim: (Laughter) One piece of (unintelligible). You know, I tell the guys, Ted: I tell the young guys in our church who feel like, man, Im never gonna find a woman, well, you dont need, you know, the the face of Brad Pitt, the body of The Rock or the attitude of Tony Stark. Isnt it? The tilt of the Earth, uh, in marriage. This was really interesting to me. Here are some tips for how to lighten things up during a difficult marriage season. Take the Assessment Get a CD of Today's Broadcast Jim: Well, and you started it too, Ted. If you want a copy of the book, hey, join us in ministering here through Focus on the Family. Jim: Thats not me giving my wife a score, or my wife giving me a score, or are you saying Youre saying for yourself, how are you doing? Debra: For yourself. You, you have a story about glassblowing. Debra: Before you desire it in your marriage, youve gotta take inventory of how youre doing standing alone, because spiritual intimacy doesnt just happen. September 21, 2021. I didnt like anything. Jim: (Laughter) You take a lettuce leaf (laughter). Dont underestimate, uh, the power of what youve written in your great book and how people can introduce that again, laughter into and humor into their marriage. I have three big helpers this time. Jim: But some seasons can be years in length, and maybe months, and maybe even a week or a day, I would assume. And I just want to put this out there first because if a couple comes into my office in conflict, if theyre if theyre in need of Hope Restored and I need to send them to a marriage intensive, Im Im not teaching them how to be funny with each other in that moment, Ted: Im not teaching them to tell jokes and all that. And Ted, youre done a great job. This is amazing.. And youre still laughing. Jim: (Laughs). And this is why, you know, Im gonna toot the horn of counseling. But one of the things I love about humor is you can enjoy your spouses activity or hobby without actually enjoying your spouses activity or hobby because youre having fun along the way. Jim: Some people are saying, "Ouch,"-Arlene: Yeah. So, what about the couple that feels like, you know, spiritually, theyre not connecting? You identify it as the season of attraction. I want to hit the benefits of laughter because again, for the scientists in the audience (laughter). We we werent expecting it., Ted: We double over. I wore that mint leaf out. Learn how to connect emotionally and spiritually as husband and wife using techniques such as dreaming together and establishing deep, heartfelt communication. Its like, Jim: Why would you put me in this position?. But then something happens. (Part 1 of 2), Debra Fileta will help couples better understand the four seasons of healthy relationships, what to expect during each one, and how to carefully navigate them for a stronger marriage. But the point of it is, is that nature itself and Gods nature specifically, does show us the very nature and character of God. You know, Ive known you long enough to know that when something goes badly for you, you tend to find something funny in it. Certainly, one of the three guys its never mom. We know this. Ted: Well, you need a paycheck and a few jokes. Unrealistic expectations are common for young couples, but they're also a set up for disappointment. You breathe in oxygen-rich air. And when you give today, your support will be DOUBLED to Give Families Hope! To get better at his chess game. Pay out-of-pocket. Is your marriage in crisis? And the entire time coming from underneath the other table this is all I heard from my wife, (snickering).