Sounds like youre a nice guy. The entire concept of marriage in Islam is to provide protection to women. Male/female friendships are tempting and seem comforting but they hurt like a beast later on, which is why ALLAH s.w.t told us to stay away from them. I live in a North American city. If something starts off wrong it doesnt just become right with time.. Im everyday battling to end any emotional attachment from my side as I know the odds are against us for marrying. The Messenger of Allah Sallallahu `Alayhi wa Sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ) said, The best mediation is that done for [joining two people in] marriage.(Ibn Maajah). link on how to do istikhara. My husband doesnt understand my feelings regards to living with his family, Disobeying Parents to Maintain Family Ties, Studying With A Male Teacher: The Issue of Seclusion (khalwa), Can you please explain more about the People of the Book in regards to marriage. Shes a pharmacist and she alone supports me, my mom, my brother fresh out of college, and my disabled non English speaking depressed eighty something Latina grandma. But make a decision now, and dont continue to build on the same foundation you started on. In other words, close this chapter, rediscover yourself, find a hobby and remember what Allah has promised walk towards me and I shall run towards you! so start walking! Teach me and lets make this right. Now they are happily married with kids. Dont let your concern for this girl, make you disobey Allah. So then why do you feel so hopeless and bitter. Now Ive reasoned that if I leave Allah will continue to be there to keep her on the right path. March 30, 2014 12:46 pm. Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links: Top 10 Secrets For a Happy Marriage (Folder). Just disagree with this part: If something starts off wrong it doesnt just become right with time.. When I knew that he was married it was very late for me to take a decision. I cant live in this harram shaytan relationship. Something went wrong. I am still unsure if he is right for me and care about my parents and my religion. Many people repent and things turn out fine. I have the same problem as you but i didnt much take care about the sad feelings. Do istikhara with a clear heart and mind, knowing ALLAH s.w.t knows everything and he will guide you to what is best. Please do not sound so strange and return to the Hyde I used to kind of know and love. Its 2016 and i just come across this article. Dont divorce your husband. We fought 4 days ago and thought my life might end if I dont reconcile with her soon. After this I dont know how its possible for me to meet anyone! Its all about patience and trust. I think about him, I contact him. Many people ask me why do not I get married. I had a similar experience. Adam, youre not alone at all. She slaves away to feed us. Aside from insult to the people who didnt do it that way themselves I wasnt judging anyone I was talking specifically about myself and other girls who have reached their 40s and remained chaste we do not now want to be reduced to an advertisement on the internet. It only takes a minute to sign up. Learn about what halal love really is. Garcelle Beauvais was "suspicious" of Kyle Richards and Mauricio Umansky pre-separation. Dont you have Allahs answer? Kritika Jain. You asked Allah for guidance, and this woman met another man. In past, whenever I have done istikhara, Allah has directed me to right path and helped me make the right decision. May Allah make it easy for you -Ameen. We are from a respected family and do not want to do anything wrong. Otherwise I would leave my self-respect. Ive been in this Haram relationship for over 7 months now. I am just not worthy for him. Finally I dont know. This is not the time to make a deal. Singles in your position, eventually end up meeting the object of their attraction for dates. That is not something that appeals to me, but living alone without anyone who cares about me or about my well-being is tough. inshallah i am in way and i am trying my best and i did all the steps you said My situation is a bit hard and it involves a non muslim as well .. even if he was a muslim. Maybe you did your 8 yrs worth ages ago..idk but my sister has found some real matches there. 1 - "O wives of the Prophet! So true. a few months atleast if it was a close attachment. Looking at the woman being proposed to, Before the engagement, the suitor (male) should be looking at the woman being proposed to. May Allah save us and guide us indeed. Which truly was a lie.. They may work for some people, but there are certain risks involved, especially for women. I assume you mean instant messaging via computer or cell phone. Get their take on things as well and talk to them about how you feel. Ive been in relationships (yes plural), ur comment about drunk love and sober love woke me up. Beyond two Muslims, as said earliera non-Muslim couldve been brought Pingback: Get Over It: 21 Ways to Say Goodbye to that Haram Relationship and Move on With Your Life | Love, Hope & Fear. This is authentic and is in a hadeeth. Thats how blind I was. It is still a very wonderful article though. ABSOLUTELY NOT. Take care of urself, keep praying n ill be praying for u as well =). Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. Been together for few years now but every 2nd day I talk about leaving I cant sleep Im restless but his words stop me and I cannot leave. When I ask religious people how to get married they think Allah SWT has bestowed the internet as a beautiful means of finding a spouse because a good girl like me should be paying money to a website to sift through hundreds of charlatans who can barely speak English and dont have citizenship. I realize part The email used here is the one i used to use, and my purpose here is i want these words to be the last thing using this email . Second, it is akin to a form of khalwa, or seclusion, considering that there is no third party chaperoning the discussion. Alhamdulillah because nothing happens without Allahs will good and bad. As explained in the following hadith below. Aameen. Things started to happen sequentially against that bond as if some one was planning them! It doesn't necessarily change anything in regards to making your meetings permissible. Because isnt the one who created and fashioned me from his own hands, blessed me, guided me, loved me, protected and sustained me, would he ever lead me wrong? It is really hard to find someone who is just like myself who shares the same faith, lifestyle and interests like me. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". Ehab resides in Maryland with his wife and three young kids. A Living Wage At Least. 2 - The talk should not involve anything that may provoke desire or cause temptation. But when there are not so many options then..? She doesnt have time and she is getting too old to form friendships easily. 1. I fell in love with him but by passing of time I found out that hez a married man and he tried his level best to hide this. I knew a brother who left Islam for a girl, because when all else fails, this is the last arrow Shaytan throws at the believer because it works. Congratulations - may your years together be filled with love and joy! have ended up in very happy marriages. I wish she would come back here and tell us what happened regarding her marriage. I broke up with her so many times that she moved to NY claiming it was because of me well, partially yes but also due to her family issues she wanted to leave ( I took the blame). You want a husband therefore you are taking the steps to find one? This is a valid concern and may not be there for all couples but I am sure some element exists for such couples. The article states that we should seek halal methods of finding a spouse but when I ask around as to what those methods are, the quick response is online dating websites. Salams dear sisters and brothers, Wallahee I wish you what is best for your akhira, deen and dunya, Its not too late. You can allways make dua of course. He is always feeling bad about our relationship as we are staying together that it is Haram. Even if she is not a virgin, and she repented from adultery, she shouldn't tell you that before marriage. Performing Istikhara was organized by the Prophet Muhammad to his companions before making a decision on marriage. Is asking Allah for forgiveness enough? JazakAllahu khaiun for the comments, and ZAI for showing me how a line from the article could come across. My father abused my mother horribly. The Prophet ( may Allah exalt his mention ) knew how much Mugheeth loved his wife. Questions cannot be asked through this form. This article just brought tears to me and it made me happy to Know Allah is always there for us. I would like to know if it is permissible for me to talk to my fiancee over the telephone ? Here is an explanation of the hadith below. Afterwards, please submit to the will of Allah and accept what He decides for you with a pure & humble heart. Iam praying a lot to Allah to help him and his family to guide to the straight path.am I doing it correct? My question to you would be: What kind of community do you live in? I never wanted to be with him got with him coz I got emotionally attached always knew its haramil end it today in sha Allah but Im not able to forgive myself ;( should I tell my mum? The people I have met do many things that are not right. You are missing my point my point was that the practical realities are such that muslim girls have a very difficult time to get married, and after a certain age their opportunities are almost zero. This is to find out whether the woman is engaged to another man or not. Not true. This article didnt say anything about arranged marriages. I strongly believe that there needs to be chemistry before marriage. Then he was there. It was very heartening to read your comment. Any relationship outside of nikkah is worthless and will bring you so much pain. Have certainty and trust in what Allah has decreed for you will be best for you. If one were to start the relationship on the basis that he does want to end up with her, marriage being a matter of a few years, and if she were to leave me because she felt it was not Halal whereas my perception and ultimate goal of starting the relationship was Halal, how is that right? Mugheeth was of a dark complexion and loved her very much. And I quoted the hadith so I dont see how that is my view. Now have to suffer all life . we indeed have our own lives to lead. How do you guys get married, find someone to settle down with? And I really have no response. My sister has next to zero social connections, I am the social butterfly of my family and in sorry but my fifteen year old girlfriends cant find my sister a husband. I am so sorry that you have such little help.. How do I know this will happen, well my dear, Ive been there. MAY ALLAH S.W.T PROTECT US FROM FALLING INTO SIN, ESPECIALLY SUCH MAJOR ONES! Required fields are marked *. Appropriate and ideal it is not. Just be thankful that Allah saved you from something that could have gotten worse. Also, none of the website owners have vetted the men who subscribe w hich leaves muslim women very very vulnerable. If youre not ready, youre not ready. Sober love is the complete opposite of drunk love. But taking some steps from this article into account; I am in a much better position. Structural Cohesion In The Quran [A Series]: Surah Al Kafirun, When Allah Chooses Something: The Blessings Of Dhul Hijjah, 3 Fun And Educational Dhul Hijjah Activities For Children, Structural Cohesion In The Quran [A Series]: Surah Al Masad, A Statement From Straight Struggle Muslims, [Podcast] Are Gym Selfies Haraam? Since that night, Ive held onto that. Is that what you really want your futures to look like? We both liked each other. It is not about magic sister. I have prayed my entire life for a husband and baby obviously, now that I am 43, I cant have a baby, so it is clear that that dua has not and will not be answered. Other than the website matrimonial advertisements. Also keep in mind the prayer of need, Salaatul Hajaat. Come on, shes got so much time. Unfortunately, this is our situation. I have been asked to send money to people so they can fly to my country and meet my parents. Hang out with and talk to respectable young, religious, happily married people. This is already written in the hadith below. Allah has my back, he cares, loves, and nourishes me. I tell them when Allah wills it will happen to keep the conversation short and sweet. One thing he said that stuck out to me was that I didnt have the same level of conviction in my religion when I sin that he did. you can do it sis <3. I think most women here do not have any iman , this is why a lot of relationships end up in dissapointment. Very generally though, if it was a close attachmentcan expect for it to But with this Im seeing, I think Ill have to move closer to Allah!!! But if they know that their parents do not agree to that, then it is not permissible for them to speak to one another in this case. I contemplated suicide many times but my fear of Allah kept me from doing so. Although i do constantly pray everyday and make supplications for strength, sabr and trust that Allah will help me heal and move on completely ;(, my bros and sis am facing it rough the only way to be good in my religion[islam] is getting married my bros and sis coz yo moslems u r for sure am not financialy stable to get a halal women in our country it requires some good money Reading this showed me that everything was wrong with that relationship because I believed we were doing everything right. He is sure he wants to marry me but I am not entirely sure as I want my parents to be involved in the decision of whats right for me. P. S this article is 100% spot on You just need to go cold turkey (Id say frozen)anything else makes it open to responses which you DO NOT want! But for most women it does not work out that way. Instability is never a good thing. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. The end could turn out great, but thats not going to change something that is haram into halal. I fail to see how an Arabic-speaking Imam who leads juma in the mosque can facilitate marriage that has not happened in my city and it never will. Im just saying, even people that do it in a haraam way that goes beyond But i ignored him for good but all he was asking nothing no touching no talking nothing but only time. I never interacted with the opposite sex but since everyone said internet matchmaking websites were oh-so-Islamic, I gave it a good hard try for 8 years and at a huge financial cost to myself. You can use the islamic Wedding Card Wording examples in invitations for inserting text in the matter for Daughter's Wedding Card. I fear falling into the same sin. Plz Reply me as you read it. Unless you can tell me some hard data that a woman in the west who makes dua WILL find a spouse, I can tell you that sitting in my house reading dua will not make a muslim husband magically appear on my front doorstep. http://theislamicworkplace.com/2006/12/25/before-any-major-decision-pray-salat-ul-istikhara/. In sober love you are calm and collected. I heard about someone I knw that his wife of 5 years left him for someone she liked previous to marriage. There is no perfect man out there. My mom has next to zero social connections. (Which is good advice!). He cares. Its not meeting a girl at a party and killing yourself because you cant be with her (sorry Shakespeare). 4 It should not go beyond what is essential. MashaAllah great article! The suitors are encouraged to mediate with the righteous, reputable or authoritative person. I am non-muslim, yet believed that this article is very helpful. Will I be happy 6months later if I get news that shes completely stopped covering her hair and is now a party girl. Develop your skills in something you enjoy. Because every-time you NEED someone, you give off desperate vibes and you push people away because you come across as Needy. The Messenger of Allah Sallallahu `Alayhi wa Sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ) said: A man should not propose to a woman who is engaged to his brother until he gives her up or allows him (to propose to her).(Bukhari and Muslim). My fellowsI started praying allah for sirat-e-mustqeem even when I was in that thing. I think thats what makes it harder because you think itll never get there, but then when theres an opportunity to do something haram, its difficult to not do it. Is it ok, to talk to fiance? ^ Is it permissible to say "I love you" to someone before being ready to marry him? Unfortunately, I do not believe in that lifestyle. YUP, hes pretty old and he has three grown daughters and he re-married about 10 years ago and we found out now. Allah always gives us opportunities to repent and hit the reset button, but it takes the right intention and effort on our part. It will prevent you from making a bad choice. So one day my mom has had enough, she wanted to divorce my father but she was totally alone in an Arab country, no relatives and no connections, she went to sheikh after sheikh who all told her the same thing: fear Allah. He called my dad and revealed everything and told a lot of fake things to downgrade me. Its never worth it. One day my sister will hit the magical number 30, and if shes not married, doing so gets a lot harder for her then. Your email address will not be published. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. They are expensive but if you got a part-time job you could help pay for them. (Reported by Al-Hakim). Yes, youre absolutely right! Perhaps hes already doing that particulay job through me. May Allah keep us all on the path that leads to true contentment, there is only one true path to everlasting peace/happiness and that is keeping within the laws that have been set for us. http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2012/06/21/removing-the-intruder-on-treating-love-addictions/. Its even a phenomenon with religious youth actually, maybe even more so with them since theyd rather think of marriage than something haram. Either both of you should take the proper steps for marriage right now or you should move on with your life without him. Hang out with ur female friends and strengthen ur relationship with ALLAH s.w.t to fill the void. He has served on several councils and boards of various Islamic organizations while concentratingmuch of his efforts in youth work over the past 15 years. Tearfully I acknowledge all the points but will it cant abide by themlove is love. So yes, dont promote the haraambut lets stop at that instead of making prognostications or very generalized statements. I think you are visualizing a large Muslim epic centre similar to what you will find in San Francisco, New York, etc large US metropolitan cities where even 20 years ago youth were encouraged to meet and mingle. Im telling you now I dont want anyone to go through what I am going through. Prophet Muhammad SAW has advised us on all matters including the criteria to look in your potential spouse,Which can be read here : http://islamhashtag.com/do-you-want-to-get-married/. Allah is informed of what ye do.(Verse 2: 234). Dear sister Naz, Aamiin. I read your comments above and i found you very mature and wise MashaAllah may I know your email so that I can contact you.? 2 weeks a go I met a guy who is Arab muslim and Im also muslim but not arab and well he use to look at me and me being an idiot i looked back and smiled because he would and each night after studying hed walk me home and on 3 occasions we got very close thank god no sex but lots of touching and kissing and honestly at the time I was lost in the moment. The husband of Hafsah bint Umar ibn Al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with her and her father, died, her father offered her in marriage to Uthmaan ibn Affaan, may Allah be pleased with him, and said to him, I would like to give you Hafsah in marriage, if you so wish. Uthmaan, may Allah be pleased with him, replied, I will think about it. Days later, Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, met Uthmaan who said, It seems that it is not possible for me to marry at present. Then Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, met Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with him, and said to him, I would like to give you Hafsah in marriage if you so wish., Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with him, remained silent. I hope this has helped you in some way and I hope, inshaAllah, you make the right decision. into Islam. The key is to prioritize who is more important, Allah or somebody else, Once you have passed His test and accepted that Islam is your path of life and commit to it, everything will fall into place. Ehab Hassan is a Muslim youth activist and Islamic worker. The Theologies Of The Mental Health Industry, Counsellors, And Psychotherapists, The Prophetic Example On The Death of Non Muslims, [Podcast] Man2Man: Afghanistan Beyond the Headlines | Abdullah Zikria, From The MuslimMatters Bookshelf: Your Go-To Summer Reading List, [Podcast] Man 2 Man: How Social Media Is Killing Your Imaan, An MM Exclusive: Interview With Tone Trump, Exploring The Legacy Of The Ummah: Why Trkiye Is The Ideal Destination For A Family Vacation, India Hosts G20 Summit In Kashmir: A Projection Of Normalcy To Fuel Settler-Colonial Ambitions, Hostile Homelands: The New Alliance Between India And Israel | Book Review, Ramadan At The Uyghur Mosque : Community, Prayers, And Grief. @Lulu Because i have been through this situation and i didnt ask the man i was in love with now i regret because at that time when i asked him to send the proposal he was not having any job but he was willing to send the proposal after the immediate completion of his study . Whereas kitab (Jewish and Christian) women are accepted as believers, not mushriks; kitab men, who believe in the same religion as kitab women, are not . We both get that streak from our mother I think.but in sayingit might work. When I was in my 20s and early 30s, online matchmaking did not exist in those days. Look at your intention and then leave it completely to Allah to help you get through things and make things easier for you. So I need advice what to do should I marry her if she accept that or Ive to move on and say goodbye to my past ? After studying the Islamic sciences online and with local scholars in New York, Ustadh Salman moved to Amman. That was not my intention. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. Who else but ALLAH s.w.t can help. JazakAllahu khairun for your thoughts ZAI. So, here I am in my mid-40s and I have made dua all my adult life, thought good of Allah all my adult life, and I am alone all my adult life, no family that loves me and a very stressful financial situation. 1- Dating, as it is currently practiced in much of the world does not exist among Muslims where a young man and woman (or boy/girl) are in a one-on-one intimate relationship, spending time together alone, "getting to know each other" in a very deep way before deciding whether that's the person they will marry. I would say it is any relationship with the opposite gender which has desire associated with it on either side and is not directly leading to marriage. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. So I left the matter in ALLAH s.w.ts hands. Is it permissible to chat with my fianc? There might be some negative baggage that stays with you for good though. So yes stay away from friendships with the opposite sex, but also be prepared to sit alone at home for the rest if your life. The reason is that the engagement is a mere promise of marriage that can be inferred or not. I remember I was a kid of five,six,seven, hiding in the closet when he screamed at her, then my sister would come and fetch me when they were done. he always states if you leave i promise you i will kill myself he has attempted suicide the last time i tried to break it off, i didnt witness it but he said he had a knife with him he was also distraught over the phone i need help i dont know what to do, i want to leave i have no feelings at all but he doesnt understand every time i tell him he manipulates me with the suicide. But the truth was, I was doing everything wrong. Your happiness and mood is in your control (by Allahs Will) and you make decisions based on logic and not blind emotion. However for a while now, single. Ask them for advice and learn from them. My parents, friends or siblings should have done the job but I didnt tell them anything, just too afraid to be mocked. So I checked up on this article. All my life, Ive chased things that I wasnt supposed to. With due respect, I have tried on 8 websites for 8 years. Verily Allah is the greatest planner of all. Im more confident, Anyone Muslim i.e.. I dont understand why dreaminga bout marriage is wrong. But, that doesnt mean you give up hope, exude a positive attitude, dont give up on prayer, and remember marriage is give and take. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. If you are poor, Allah (SwT) will make you rich through His favour; and Allah (SwT) is Bountiful, All-Knowing." ( 24:32 ). My personal experience with Istikhara and the advice given to me my friends and from learning about Istikhara is, the answer doesnt always come in a dream or a sign. the hadith you quoted is for a man and a woman being alone. Agree on this, and most importantly what our people in today's society does is dragging the marriage for no reason by putting something in between called engagement which is also a wrong thing to do. Even I want him to become a momeen who practices Islam and he is ready for it. So he spoke to his mom as she is very religious and asked for an advise. Your self worth, sanity and mood is at the mercy of the other person. No I was watching an Islamic show where they metioned what I have written! Read this article almost 10 years ago over my first/ well second heart break. 5 Answers Sorted by: 5 No, asking such question is not permitted in Islam. Is it ok to talk to be wife before marriage? I am still a student. Jazakallah. This was exactly what I needed, Jazakallah! The way I see it that means be a good person in whatever what that means to you. I thought he was the one, Hi sister I am in the same situation contact me if you want to talk. Sometimes, short and sweet is the best way to say exactly what you want to say. We must learn to do better. Listen to him always. Do you have the opportunity to socialize with other Muslims in your area? Perhaps you are both enabling each other. As the Quran commands, speak with appropriate speech. (33:33) It would not considered proper for a man to inform a woman who is not his wife or close relative (mahram) that he loves her. Read a book, study hard for your classes, eat healthy, get exercise, drink a lot of water, dress nicely, listen and read more Quran, listen to a good lecture, volunteer at an Islamic function basically, anything and everything that normally makes you feel like youve accomplished something good. Dont look at nationalities and pray that you marry someone who is good for your akhira, deen and dunya. Allah know that ye will remember them. Assalamu alaikum May Allah increase our imaan and help us all. I DONT WANT ANYONES HOUSES BROKEN LIKE MINE. A Mahram is needed so that both of you are not alone because when a girl and a boy are alone with each other, there is a third person present there and that third person is Shaytan. Follow up with something good. Source: I guess my Thakwa was renewed and i found hope again in Allah. Is it Permissible to Allow Wheelchairs in a Masjid? That He strengthens the marriages of those in our ummah, and keep us away from all that is displeasing to Him.

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